Why Did I Ever Doubt

At 9:10 this morning I received a call from the agency that our FBI clearances came through. Praise God! This means that whenever my son is discharged from the hospital he can be given to us.
I was thrilled when I heard the news and then immediately asked myself, "Why did I ever doubt this could happen so quickly? Why did I stress over this?" I knew that God was in control but last night I really let this FBI thing bother me. I let it bother me so much that I was okay if Vance didn't finish all of his bottles on his own. I actually wanted him to need at least part of one through the feeding tube. How awful is that? I should have still wanted him to get better but instead I let fear rob me of the joy of him not needing the feeding tube once last night.
Fortunately throughout the night I was able to share parts of our adoption story with his nurse (who by the way is fantastic). I explained how we trusted God to provide for the cost of both adoptions & He did. Then how we didn't fear for our son's health even though we knew his birthmother was using drugs during the pregnancy because we trusted God to keep him safe. As I shared I stopped and wondered why am I not trusting God with the FBI clearances. Later I remembered an important verse, Philippians 4:6-7, "Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." I can't say I had peace right away but at least I knew where the peace would come from.
After my night shift with Vance I sat in the quiet lobby of the Ronald McDonald House and told God I wanted to trust Him with this. I asked Him to help me trust Him completely. I asked Him to help me let it go. It still bothered me a little but I wasn't consumed with it anymore and I was trusting God to take care of it. Of course, just a few hours God did.
I wish the last 36 hours hadn't been an issue but I am thankful for God showing me once again that His word is truth. I am thankful that God was patient with me as I struggled. I am also thankful that I wasn't the only one praying and that many people wanted to pray for me and saw their prayers answered.

Trusting that God is in charge of the details

From the first time we decided to adopt to this second adoption we knew God was in control. He has taken care of every step from finances to the health of our two children. But at this moment I am having to remind myself often that God is in control and that He is in charge of the details.
A big snag has entered our adoption process. Our home study provider did not do an FBI clearance which became a law earlier this year. It was finally submitted in December but our son was born 5 weeks early and our clearances haven't come in. We learned just a few hours ago that our son, once discharged from the hospital, cannot be placed with us if we do not have an FBI clearance. We once again forked out over $100 to have our fingerprints done in hopes that it will speed up the process. Now it is in the hands of the individuals who process them & their desire to be quick or not.
What I do realize is that God is the one who is ultimately in control. I know this did not catch Him off guard but it did me. I love my son. I have been waiting for him to be discharged so I can introduce him to his big sister and I can hold him without cords attached. I can't imagine him being placed in the arms of a foster care family instead of mine when he is discharged. It just breaks my heart.
I do have to look at the positive. I have been able to spend every day & night with him for the past 8 days. We wanted him to be discharged before Christmas but thank heavens he wasn't. God knew if that happened we wouldn't have gotten him. So if God had his hand on the situation a week ago. He still has his hand on it today.